Random Thoughts

Gura Raului

2012-01-16T20:15:00.008+02:00

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T15:21:00.001+02:00

winter in my heart

2011-12-26T19:31:00.016+02:00

I've been trying really hard to be courageous these past few weeks, but my heart is missing the old days, his eyes glowing with hope and gladness, his smile....and in the end I've been just lying to myself that I am over him....yet these holidays have been harder than ever....living at 3 blocks distance from each other and yet being separated by an entire world.

I know he no longer sees things this way, yet the way we speak to each other now, it's like everything is controlled by politeness, fear of mistakes...nothing is spontaneous there anymore, nothing is close to real friendship and feelings anymore....I am sad, as I know now more than sure that I have lost a friend, and nothing will bring him back, nothing will be able to open the gates of his heart to let me in again as a friend ....sad holidays that i can barely experience....

I just hope for a miracle, if not from his side, at least some memory loss on my side, some amnesia to help me forget about him totally. I don't regret knowing him, or helping him, i regret suffering now for his rejecting my helping him anymore, his no longer needing me beside him as a friend....this is too hard for me to go through, but i know it in my heart he can't find the feelings he would need to forgive me and to care about me as a friend....in the end it was just a book that ended.....he was the reader, closing the book forever, never feeling the need to open it again...i'm just the book, wishing to be opened and read again.

And yet nothing happens anymore... Do i ask too much? For him to care enough for me to be able to forgive me? We are like too strangers who have nothing in common, and this coming after a time when we were very close...I no longer care about him as a woman would care about a man, yet as a friend I can't feel but hurt at his behaviour- distant, calculated, secluded from me into his world, always showing an apparent friendship, from his point of view having done everything to make things better. And yet he doesn't feel how much is missing from our friendship, or maybe he does, but thinks this is a good price to pay to keep me at a distance....I wouldn't know, as we no longer share anything, all we talk is shallow and superficial.... I miss talking about deeper things with him....but again i was just an episode in his life and the quicker i accept the better it might be for me....
He once said he realized he's toxic for me, meaning seeing him....yet, not seeing him is toxic for me, not sharing the same good quality moments with him is toxic... anyway, it is so toxic that it brought a nuclear winter in my heart, something so bleak and waste and deserted that honestly I don't know what can still heal my heart and when...

And yet deep in my heart I still hold on to his words: "You are Family", and know that we always forgive everything in a family, just hope that in time he can find the power or the will needed for him to forgive me and see me as the same good friend I have always been....I really hate knowing that he feels somehow I betrayed him beyond forgiveness.... if what he once said about me being family was true, then he should be able to open his arms and heart again to me one day...who knows when.... I just want him to be my friend again, and these being said I hope again these lines don't upset or offend him, they are just a way to get some things out of my chest, to help me release the pressure I feel constantly, they are not meant to hurt or to accuse anybody...

Joyeux Noel- Merry Christmas

2011-12-15T19:27:00.002+02:00

A time of peace may surround your heart as well as mind, bringing light, joy and hope. Love, above all may imbue your deepest and most intimate corners of your soul... It's Christmas again and there should be no time for famine, sorrow, poverty or desperation... It is time for forgiveness, love and sharing, for wishes fulfilled and dreams achieved, it is a time for being with the ones loved and for being well, laughing and enjoying life with and for its greatest gifts.

Merry Christmas!
Joyeux Noel!

I die a little bit each day

2011-11-05T14:57:00.008+02:00

I die a little bit each day, and as moments pass by, I see more and more clearly how wrong I was and how much I hurt him...Don't know exactly how, at least the second time, but from what I see, it is unfortunately certain I hurt him beyond forgiveness. Either he didn't care enough for me to even take the effort to try to forgive me, or he cared about me too much, hence he is more hurt by what I did and unable to find the strength in his heart to forgive me. I don't understand how he can let things go like that each day, not wanting to talk or meet? Or maybe he does want but he really tries hard not to... I wish a simple apology come from the heart could make things better; it is never like that, though. I wish I could understand him better, to know how to avoid saddening him, to be able to help him, by bringing happiness and laughter, and sunshine in his life, not sorrows and regrets. Yet, I find myself powerless and for the first time clueless about what to do. I see a friendship that was once great, and will never return, and yet all I know is that I really want and need our friendship back... Nevertheless, I have no thoughts about how to achieve that...Why is it so hard for people to communicate, to open up and to forgive? Is there love for a friend when one finds it hard to talk to that friend, to take them with their human flaws, with their burdens? I so wished there was someone who accepted me as I am in my worse moments, down and sad, desperate, impulsive? Yet, me with both sides of the coin, not just the happy me all the time? I can't be that all the time, helas... Where have all the good valuable moments between two people gone? are they all buried somewhere? or is it rather that they have perished altogether, or maybe they were overvalued by one side and given more importance and power than they had...?

I wouldn't know....I am still naive and stupid and sometimes do things that hurt people, though sprung from my heart and with good intentions, I end up hurting people...I find myself in a bubble where nothing seems to make sense, at least as they used to... My mind is struggling to understand how this new world works..it is a world where two friends hurt each other, but only one apologizes, and that particular one is exactly the one who doesn't get forgiveness, it is a world where good gestures are questioned and undervalued, bringing about not the forgiveness longed for, but rather an abyss of chaos and torments.

And I react badly to this, sometimes I hide myself under a shell, yet at times, I let things out, and when I do that, I hurt people again,even more- no one really wants to feel they made you cry, no one really likes to feel guilty about making you feel miserable. They react at their turn. Most of the time, they run away, guilty feelings and remorse are not for them. After all, if someone suffers is by their own fault. And at those times they forget they found a friend in you in time of need and sorrow, as well as in time of joy, they just let you be, and start minding their own lives, a little bit emptier, but relieved of the burden of you. No more complications, no more the great joy that friend used to bring, but at the same time, no more problems, no more implications.

And yet in spite of all that's been written, or said, or thought, I die a little bit each day, the more so as I am looking for the future of that friendship...and I see none...at least for now. There are times when certain mistakes can never be forgiven or overcome- they remain there like a scar on someone's soul, shaking their confidence in you, their friendly love for you. They don't mean to harm you, they just can't find the strength to go over that; they see you've been suffering and all they can do is get even more shut away from you.. And all I want is him holding my hand in time of sadness, making me laugh, as well as regaining our friendship as it used to be. I want him to let his joy out when seeing me, to hear he misses me, to see him well, telling me that everything's gonna be ok between us- I'm starting to feel I want too much. He may never want to hear from me again, or if he does, it will be just polite requests and conversation, to keep appearances. It's hard for me especially as I don't even know how I could apologize, or if I did apologize, would it work? could he open again his soul towards me, or that is closed for good?

I don't blame him, I just blame life- ironic as usual, has turned against me the man I have feelings for, not my neighbour, not a colleague of mine, not just anybody I would bring oranges to at the hospital, but exactly the man I care about, the man I thought I could help, by just being around, with words or positive energy and thoughts. I failed at my mission, and now I am looking at the remains of our friendship, unable to tell whether its pieces are ever going to be put together again. I read once that broken friendship is like broken glass- you can try putting it back together, but there are always the cracks remaining... Could it be true? Is it true our friendship, no matter how great and deep and true it was, will never be the same? I would pray God to help our friendship be the same. I actually have been praying to God to help our friendship, to help him forgive me and show me what to do right, not to hurt him ever again. And yet my impulses and selfishness are strong. I react to his being distant to me, and by doing that I hurt him again... I need being humble, I need God to help me regain his friendship, no matter how little important this may seem in the large scheme of the universe, for my peace, and for his...

The rest is silence

2011-11-03T23:35:00.003+02:00

Late at night …. again, c**ing…. this time not even understanding what I did wrong…. all I feel and know is that an ocean came between us, even more, we seem to be on separate worlds, we no longer speak the same language, have the same thoughts and feelings, and above all we do not even know each other anymore.

Yesterday morning I was so happy…he was gonna return home, safe and sound and with strength in his heart, I was happy things seemed better between us; thus I was urged to make a welcoming gesture…. that somehow made things worse in the end…I am still puzzled how a gesture sprung from the heart and filled with love and positive thoughts might have been almost perceived as bribery for friendship…. Besides, it was also perceived as a gesture anyone could have done, thus making it clear that what I did has little value…. It no longer meant what it would have some weeks ago, now in the best sense was perceived as a gesture people do for a sick person in hospital. I was an anyone for him, no more that special friend he used to turn to. In the worse case, it might have been seen as a rope trying to strangle him into feelings he no longer has for me…like a sort of I am being nice to you, you should do the same thing. Which if you don’t feel it in the heart, it is very difficult to fake.

In fact to be honest, I don’t even know if I got his reaction right…he seemed to insist too much on my not having to do that…the whole thing just left a bitter taste behind…I might have got his reaction wrong and thus made things worse when I spoke, I might have got his reaction right, still making things worse by speaking. I don’t even know…I no longer know if he’s upset or not, I don’t know if he’s still upset about what happened 3 weeks ago or yesterday is also a cause…. I am in a labyrinth where the only clues are my sadness and tears. I have come to be afraid to talk to him, not knowing what to say or not, to avoid upsetting him, or even better to obtain his forgiveness…I miss his happiness when seeing me, his smile, the confidence I could gave him through my words and friendship…It’s all starting to seem ancient history now…there is no longer any friendship, no family, no welcome….just bitter feelings, regrets, words unspoken when they should be, and words said when silence would have been a better choice. All that was beautiful once has remained buried somewhere under a debris of bitter feelings and nothing seems able to bring it to light, rekindling our great friendship. And then I start wondering if our friendship was ever that great, how can it be all gone locked forever in stoned hearts?

And yet my tears are the only answer I get, the rest is silence and dark, an awfully lot of dark…

Falling for fall

2011-11-01T19:15:00.011+02:00

I've fallen for fall....

A couple of days ago, alone and quite down, I let myself be drawn outside by the warm but gentle rays of the sun... It didn't seem a pleasant perspective at first, as the sun was too bright and the day too nice for my soul. Sometimes when I am sad seeing bright, flowery things makes me even sadder, so going out seemed rather hard.

Yet despite my troubled soul or exactly because of the torments that stormed it, I suddenly perceived fall as a season friend to my heart... After all, fall is a season symbolizing richness but also closure, ending. When in fall of life, people usually know end is coming, similarly, fall regarded as season, is the bridge towards the final stage of nature- hibernation, death... And though dressed up in golden copper colours, I felt fall in my heart as something soothing, like a music that played for my heart's river, it didn't contradict my pains and sorrows, and my regrets and troubles, it rather gave them more power, making them deeper and stronger.

I found a friend in fall, a unique friend that didn't let me down, but rather embraced me as I am, selfish and stupid at times, possessive, jealous many times, shy and closed, in love, hurt, idealistic, strange, pessimistic... all that and many others that so many times made me not such a good friend to others, not such a good friend to myself even... yet, fall confided in me its secrets... and so I fell for fall... for its colours, its fragrance, its promises of end coming...

Atelier 58

2011-10-29T20:43:00.011+03:00

As a tourist, curious and eager to see as much as possible from what a place has to offer to please all human senses some months ago, at the dawn of summer I set off on a journey to Timisoara.

Probably the first thing that impresses the heated traveller in search for refreshment and shelter from the burning sun are the numerous parks Timisoara has. The green of grass and trees are everywhere completing perfectly the very beautiful architecture of most older buildings I came across in its centre.

Beside taking lots of pictures, like any passionate traveller, and admiring the beauty of the shapes and colours of the buildings around Unirii Square, one day curiosity led my tired feet towards a boutique whose catchy poster had been drawing my attention for some days. And thus I discovered a very chic, and comfortable boutique that not only enchanted my eyes, but also my spirit through hospitality, the warmth I was welcomed with, as well as the unique beauty of the designs in display.

Reminiscent of the old glorious days of Timisoara in terms of interior design, the concept of this boutique is totally innovative. Atelier 58 is not just a simple boutique, but rather a home, where you feel welcome and safe while discovering the unique designs of young but very talented artists.

Like under a light breeze, the heavy silk of dresses dances gently but temptingly, urging you to feel the smooth texture. Everything is colour, good taste, imagination beyond boundaries. And your eyes are amazed. You feel almost at home and yet you are exploring a whole new world, discovering not only fashion created by local designers but also new ways of treating yourself.

These and a lot more await you at Atelier 58- elegance, warmth, a nice cozy atmosphere, and above all fashion and jewelry in their highest artistic form.

I spent quite a lot of time there, trying things on, taking pictures, talking with Maria Burnete, the main designer and owner of the boutique....and yet, it seemed like time was flying really fast. Now looking back at my memories there, while also going through my pictures, I know I will have one more reason to return to Timisoara: Atelier 58!

too labyrithical to get a title

2011-10-24T22:52:00.008+03:00

I have been asking God lately to rip away the feelings I have for the man I love...and yet it seems like its roots are deep down and hard to get rid of...it's become a painful process where torn between still loving him, and yet getting away from all the pain. I've never thought being heartbroken can actually feel like physical pain, but it actually does... so much pain it feels like choking me. I have asked God for many things lately, to help me get this love out, to help him forgive me and open his heart again to me, and yet all prayers were left unanswered....like words echoed in the solitude of my heart only... I feel so much regret and hopelessness and powerlessness for not knowing what to do or what to say to make things better, like they used to be... Right now i feel like nothing's gonna be the same anymore, just another example to prove me I'm not worth even of forgiveness and true friendship.

He left now, and i still can't believe he didn't want us to meet, at least for a word of comfort and support, or at least so that he wouldn't leave upset.... I wonder, does he know how much pain I'm going through feeling him closed to me, distant, in his own world, his heart shut away from me? I know i might sound dramatic, and yet among all the apologies I've said, I was left alone, behind like one would leave a burden... which is quite puzzling, since I know it in my heart he is a good man and capable of forgiveness and caring truly for a friend, and yet he couldn't... And it is the more amazingly sad, as I see one more time how months of good deed and feelings and support and great friendship are powerless in front of several minutes of vulnerability and selfishness.... I see one more time that caring for someone is never enough, you still risk hurting his feelings, sending him away in his world where there is no longer a place for me, where I 'm no longer welcomed, no longer family.

People have this tendency of using words lightly, they rarely pay attention to them, some of them give too much hope, just to take it away later, others end up hurting someone's feelings, overall, we, people are not aware of the great power words have, all the promises and feelings they bear with them... Some time ago, when love bloomed in my heart, I was told I am always and forever welcome, as well as family... great words which meant the world to me... and thus the bud turned into flower. Yet, autumn came with its chilly wind covering me in the rustling copper leaves of dying trees. I no longer feel welcome, now it is just the cold feeling of a closed door staring at you... It is so hard to bear no longer being wanted, so hard to let things go after reaching heaven and then falling back to earth.... And all because of words, words I wish I could take back, words that must have hurt his feelings so deeply that he finds it impossible in his heart to open again to me, to really forgive me.... he no longer needs me, or wants to see me, he just speaks to me from time to time, yet he is distant and closed showing me just surfaces and covers.... What could I do to take things back in time, to make him see I am still me and above all, he is still him? Was I such a bad and unreliable and untruthful "friend" that I can be shut away so easily from someone's heart? Maybe I was, in which case, there is not probably much to say anymore...

And yet I so wished I could see him before he left! just to tell him I wish him well, both as health and heart, I wish him all the best my heart could wish someone... to tell him he can still and always trust me, and know he has a friend in me, to ask him to value my friendship as he has always done.

And after so many wishing, I still wish some more....I wish we could be the way we were, before my heart completely shuts itself in a drowning pool of sadness and despair, before my other wish about it turning into stone becomes reality.... And I still wish for something else .... I wish him well, I wish him Heaven on earth, love in his heart, peace in his mind and strength in his body.

lonely path

2011-10-12T23:46:00.005+03:00

A child is born....the joy of family and all creation, he steps into the world with hesitation at first, yet fueled by a great curiosity to know things. The first thing that he sees is a pair of blue eyes- his mother eyes: two luminescent globes of blue skies and smiles in them. All the wonder of seeing him is mirrored in her eyes. And then in time the eyes have a gentle hand that caresses him and miraculously heals his injuries. That same hand feeds him wonders- golden apples and red delicious strawberries, dark purple grapes and heavily delicate raspberries.... Then there is the mouth-this miraculous device that makes sounds while enchanting the child's ears. And thus he finds out about the world- there is a whole new universe out there waiting for him to discover it veil by veil. The stories open his mind's eyes beyond any boundaries- he hears about miracles, and fairies and monsters and how evil is always defeated by good....

Time at first, for this child is nothing more than NOW, tomorrow at best, in case he is some kind of visionary...and NOW is lived to the maximum, no regrets, no doubts, as such notions are still outside the child's universe. Ironically as it may seem, as time passes, with discovery come regrets, doubts and a lot more questions and insecurities. The wonders he used to see in that pair of blue eyes, in the gentle gestures of that hand have long faded away....The child's eyes have, in the meantime, adapted to the dark... and while seeing in the dark, the light blinds him to the point of hurting him.

This darkness has become his daily reality, the horizons, he once dreamed of exploring, have brought but clouds and shadows and unclear lines... the shapes of things have lost their line, the meanings have altered and the child, a man now, has started seeking comfort in his routine. Routine and certain things have come to rule his life now...The miracles of soul and mind, the aspiration for a better self through exploration and reverence for the others, the faith that needs no proof the child used to have are no longer there.....

Instead, you have a burdened man, wandering about aimlessly.... he would, once in a while, feel he has a purpose in everything he does, but watched from above, or outside, he would probably be nothing more than an ant after its mound has been just carried away by waters. And despite all these insecurities and wandering into the dark....he would still take this over the delicate line of light he barely sees at the horizon...it has become a matter of habit and daily routine for him...he's quite comfortable as long as he finds other ants just like him, or even worse...he can become even the king of his "mound"...why go beyond, into something which would surely somehow, challenge him, to a point where he no longer wants to go back- the first years of his life, when things were much simpler, and yet so much closer to that line of light? After all, he has turned into a cynical who has seen evil outside the pages of a book, and who, lo longer protected by the magical hands of his mother, has suffered pain and loneliness, and desperation and who, thus, has come to find comfort in shallowness, pettiness, turning his back to the light. He's too afraid and ashamed and burdened and lonely to ever tread towards the light- he couldn't find the path anyway...he's like the captain of a ship during a storm...you see the lighthouse somewhere at great distance, but winds and waves and fear of rocky cliffs will keep him away forever...or what it seemed forever. Eventually he will end up the shore, but by the time he finally gets there he's powerless- an old man looking back at all his aimless wandering, trembling with disease and hesitation, his mind already in the fog of time.

Rasinari

2011-10-01T23:24:00.006+03:00

Darren Hayes- Bloodstained heart

2011-09-24T20:59:00.003+03:00

Another very sensitive song from the very talented Darren Hayes.

dried flowers at Sibiu Medieval Festival

2011-09-24T17:07:00.009+03:00

Pottery Festival again

2011-09-18T16:32:00.005+03:00

still in the are of the pottery festival, this time with a little touch of impressionistic curly style....

Targul Olarilor- argintarie

2011-09-12T19:23:00.005+03:00

Sibiu Summer Festivals

2011-09-11T18:34:00.006+03:00

The medieval and pottery festivals have gone by leaving many more of Sibiu citizens happier about their acquisitions, and yet so much poorer... As always, too many things to enchant the eye and steal the purse...yet eventually one realises most of them are just trifles to be thrown away the next season.

I wish you Heaven

2011-09-05T01:02:00.008+03:00

Another year with good and bad has gone by... accomplishments and dreams, flights towards the sky and diving into the deepest of the earth's waters... and the rest is.... me wishing you Heaven, Freddie! From heaven, spread your angel wings tomorrow and fly as guardian and protector over someone I care about dearly, as he might need angel intervention and strength. Give me this present tomorrow on your birthday, please, angel Freddie...

blue fairy tale

2011-09-04T20:28:00.003+03:00

fireballs

2011-09-03T12:33:00.008+03:00

Black out the sun- Darren Hayes

2011-08-31T21:35:00.004+03:00

still now, a few days later, things seem blurry and down...it is as if the lights and colours have lost their power on my eyes, my heart trying to harden in an attempt to heal itself.... And yet, despite being down, I know I cannot give up on love, of any kind and in any circumstances. No matter how hurt I might be, how down and blue I might get, the chords of my heart will vibrate on the same tune over and over endlessly...high and low tones, violins and drums, piano keys being gently touched by invisible fingers...

Human statues

2011-08-29T08:25:00.010+03:00

nature closer

2011-08-25T14:07:00.006+03:00

Apuseni

2011-08-23T20:48:00.005+03:00

The pictures below were taken by a good friend of mine who, I must confess is becoming better and better at it....you can see for yourself:

Le festival Interceltique a Lorient: 5-14 Aout 2011

2011-08-08T00:01:00.005+03:00

Tri Yann

Tri Yann - Franzozig de benporkofer

Bagad de Lann Bihoue

details

2011-08-06T00:37:00.007+03:00

La tombee du soir a Timisoara

2011-08-05T23:58:00.002+03:00

timisoara_ black and white

2011-07-19T21:06:00.008+03:00

Timisoara at night

2011-07-19T12:45:00.009+03:00

Breizh

2011-07-07T23:21:00.008+03:00

desert

2011-06-12T17:43:00.002+03:00

It was normal times in a barely normal world, and people were as normal as they could be in those circumstances... And she was just another girl with her own dreams and aspirations, with her own longing and unrequited feelings. And yet she didn't dream of daring and didn't dare to dream about too "fancy" things... All she ever wanted was for someone to hold her hand, to hug her from time to time, and yet, in spite of the simplicity of her desires, there was no one there to do that for her. And in spite of the obvious of her situation somehow, she kept dreaming and hoping that maybe some day her continuous attempts to share her affection and to give would bloom into something worthwhile all this waiting.

But then there come the days when desert finds shelter in her soul, a consuming burning desert that bares and leaves behind nothing but wilderness and seclusion. And those days are harder to cope with each time, the dryness seems harsher and more life-taking than that before... And yet, she humbly hopes to get that simple touch when 2 people are holding hands, that maybe sometimes someone would care enough for her to reach out his hand for her... maybe sometimes...

the rained face of the city

2011-06-12T01:00:00.001+03:00

costumes

2011-06-05T13:54:00.008+03:00

Rickshaw

2011-06-05T00:34:00.005+03:00

It's Friday! It's Friday!....

2011-06-03T22:10:00.007+03:00

masques-FIT 2011

2011-05-30T21:31:00.005+03:00

des beautes noires

2011-05-29T12:25:00.008+03:00

Comme tout le touriste qui se respecte, hier je me suis fait un peu de temp pour profiter du festival de teatre de Sibiu, pour voir au moins un des evenements programes. Et bien que j'aie passe assez de temps dans le centre- ville, j'ai a peine reussi a voir le meme evenement deux fois. Il s'agit de musique et danses de Carraibes- une ambiance de noir et de couleurs tres vives et biensur, des rythmes enivrants de la musique. Conclusion apres ma premiere journee au festival: superbe!

Des danses ancestrales, on dirait....les instruments et les mouvements des danseurs te ramportaient dans une autre culture et civilsation ou tout est exprime par la musique, les couleur, la joie de vivre.

Sad

2011-05-21T01:09:00.003+03:00

This day's no longer what it used to be.... the fun and joy of what should be a celebration are scattered in the winds among the raindrops falling on my cheeks... I think of you and knowing we can no longer meet and chat as always, and laugh about the silliest things is shadowing this day. I can't possibly think of this as being a celebration, my celebration, as I remember right away it used to be yours as well, and nothing seems the same anymore...it all becomes a sad day, mournful early morning, followed by a day of routine when I keep on smiling like an old puppet, stuck on the same face routine.

Right now I could use an angel, I could use you by my side, to hug me, and comfort me, to laugh together while eating ice cream, and then to share things, and maybe to have another chance at listening to you more, to look for you more and try to waste no time with trifles, but with you. So precious but few moments...I would multiply them dozen times and it still wouldn't be enough, that's how wonderful you've been to me and to so many people. And yet, despite all theories about travelling in time, I know and I'm afraid I have lost you forever, my mind and soul are dry and longing, knocking at doors forever shut, waiting for things that aren't there and dreaming of things that are never meant to be... And then the only thing that's left are memories- soaked in tears, whenever they show their little heads... And thus I end up hiding them into the depth of my heart, as long as they stay there, I forget, I leave behind the happy memories which bring with them the sadness of present realities. Too afraid of the pain, and too fed up with it I start filling the shelves with surface things- another pair of jeans, another invented problem, lack of money, or time; another course, a movie, a bottle of perfume, photography. Yet nothing is enough after a while, everything pales and fades away, it wears out like a one-layer paint trying to cover old, rusty stains and which would eventually let see the ugly truth beneath....

You know what they say....you can run, but you can't hide... Anyway, if everything's been very puzzling from my quite confusing late-night words, here it goes, plain and simple: I miss you Co so much, I miss your spirit, your warm heart and energy, your beautiful smile, I miss the light in your eyes, your modesty, your crazy sense of humour, your everything.

Soledad

2011-05-15T20:27:00.003+03:00

I've tried each day to set myself into believing that the best way to listen to the sounds of nature and to bathe your eyes into the wonders of the world is to do it all by yourself, thus avoiding distractions, or getting strayed. It's the grapes are sour story... The easy way out in any situation.

And yet there comes a time when doing things on your own is no longer that much fun, but rather tedious and heavy burden. Just walking in the forest, or going to a concert, instead of filling your heart with joy and exhilaration, leaves muddy traces over an already ailing soul, and a tremendous feeling of exhaustion. You get so tired of it all...

And since you keep smiling, somehow I daresay, stupidly, some lines come into my mind... The way I hear them now in my mind they belong to Freddy and were written by Buck Ram:

Oh yes I’m the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I’m doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I’m the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)
I play the game but to my real shame
You’ve left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal

Ooh ooh yes I’m the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I’m not (you see)
I’m wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you’re still around

Violet and purple and a little bit of green

2011-05-09T19:55:00.008+03:00

veiled image

2011-05-05T23:07:00.003+03:00

white fragile petals flying through her long curly dark hair were dancing a waltz, while the spring winds were an orchestra players. An inaudible tune was visible somehow in the gentle movements of all nature elements around. The richly- dressed branches, flowers and petals, lost leaves,little creatures- joyful butterflies and bugs- they all follow the hidden, but precise rhythm of a tune only they can hear.

The air around is sweet but fresh and life- giving, rich with fragrance and vibrating with expectations. The veils of the night are closing in, bearing with them the mysteries of what's to come.

Springtime

2011-04-24T13:11:00.004+03:00

Spring has finally arrived making its definite presence among the trees around, in the delicate and fragile grass tickling our feet, in the playful sun rays chasing ladybugs in their lively flight, and people's hearts.

Not surprisingly, surrounded by so much life and joy, people are happier and more open and more lively than some time ago...They twitter, chat and laugh, they enjoy the warmth of the spring days, the fragrance of the coming may nights, the breeze bearing on its wings colorful petals in their ballet.

It is spring again and nature and people alike have come to life.

Black and white....

2011-04-17T23:14:00.010+03:00

What if one day we would all wake up into a world of blacks and whites and shades of grey in between? Would we still be thrilled by the beauty around us? Would we still be able to even talk about the beauty around us? What makes things beautiful after all? Is it the mixture of dozens of colours and shades of colours from brighter to paler ones? Is it the shape of things? Is it in what they represent for us, what symbol they bear? What is it in them, in their essence that many times excites our senses? Would we still perceive the world the same intensive way in spite of the missing colours?

I recently woke up one day in such a world....horrified at first at the perspective of
experiencing colours only as remote but profound memories, I set off trying to give the benefit of the doubt to this apparently empty world, cheap copy of what once meant my world...

My footsteps took me on the entangled paths of forests, under the quite bare trees of coming spring, near dried lakes, and near flowers which, because of my half blind vision, seemed to be lacking any fragrance... And yet, to my surprise I was surrounded by beauty... All colours were missing, my mind was missing colours, and yet somehow, in a strange way the original horror was gradually replaced by wonder at a different way of seeing the world. It was as if the sudden simplicity imposed by the dual tone, made things clearer, and the sensations got stronger and more profound... everything had a fresh air about it...It was like the air you breathe at the first snowing each year- cold, humid and surprisingly fresh.

There is a conclusion to all this, if you were wondering... Not always does the beauty stay in the details- beauty of nature, of a person. Sometimes, getting beneath the glowing, colorful surface of something/ someone you get to discover the true value of that something/ someone... And sometimes that glamorous surface attracts you like a moth is to a light, and and exactly like a moth getting too close to the light, you end up getting burned. So maybe sometimes, it is better to get rid of the habit of always looking for fancy, bright and "colourful" details in places, things and people. Maybe there's more to them than meets the eye... Just maybe!

autumn again

2011-04-15T09:38:00.006+03:00

The autumn breath was in the air again, more powerful each day and darker and colder as time got by. Black clouds running over the city, their eyes never looking down at the people rushing by, trying to find shelter against the cold winds of the city... Who could take a look at them, always in such a rush, always under so many masks? It was a time of rushing by, never looking behind and around, always neglecting details, more or less important; no time for soul, no time for people any more... no time for wonder, for the joy of discovering, veil by veil, one person as he or she is.

And then no time anymore, to really like that person for what she/he is... It might be a true, but rare art to find in people details, trait brushes that would make you like that person. You meet someone, and there is no wonder in knowing that person anymore, you just end up taking them as they are, no questions asked, no "curious eye" to try and see behind the shell. And you stop there, you go out, you have fun, but there's no pondering, no yearning about that person. In the end it is all about the self, in the end we all fight against the fierce winds blowing into our face, we transiently meet people on our paths, but we rarely look at them, at least not for their sake. We never look unless, it is about us and our interest involved somehow, otherwise, people don't really matter. They and eventually us, just end up being some "happy accidents" in someone's life...we meet, we part, we meet again....until we part for good.

just another day....in Paradise?

2011-04-10T23:12:00.003+03:00

There are always days in life that come with surprises, sometimes bad and disturbing, others bringing joy to your heart, and both types always come with overwhelming feelings, be they good or bad, as said before.

Not long ago, that is a couple of days ago I came across such a day, a day meant by its significance, to be full of surprises. Well, this day didn't let me down, it actually came with a whole bag of surprises, like Christmas was here again, and Santa brought along his red heavy bag of presents... The "surprise" was very good, indeed, although it is somehow paradoxical to call it a surprise, since I already knew it and its purpose above all was to show me I am still a good judge of character, and that I haven't lost my ability to read people, as they say.

A day like any other, but positive in that it showed me... my impressions on people being right... A surprising day full of surprises that somehow surprised me....and still it was just another day...

"A winter shade of pale"

2011-01-27T18:51:00.003+02:00

white...blue....cold and refreshing... another winter passing by....

New year hopes

2011-01-01T12:23:00.002+02:00

A new year has set off on its journey this morning, and yet unlike at the beginning of every journey, my bag is not full of hopes and plans, it is rather light and I can even see some holes coming out in it. Yet, like any traveller, I find myself wondering what will await for me on the way. And still, my mind is torn between this expecting state and the almost certainty of nothing good coming along the way. Am I the pessimist traveller who expects but misfortune, or am I the realistic analyst who based on the circumstances given, has reached a rightful conclusion?

Either way, on this first day of the new year, I find myself rather blue in the heart, and longing for something that I already feel is not going to come. Human nature is very bizarre... You already know answers, and yet in spite of that, you keep hoping it is going to be different....

Just little something

2010-12-18T20:55:00.002+02:00

Below just a little something I stumbled upon these days.....

If love were a fruit,
It would be a raspberry-perfumed and juicy.
If it were a colour,
It would be blue as skies in winter.
If it were a fragrance,
It would be a May night
- refreshing, lilac and mysterious.
Its taste would be salty
like the endless sea crashing against rocks.
If love were a person,
Then it would be you...

Fall again

2010-10-24T19:32:00.005+03:00

All fall is about is gold and copper, and strong blue sky, and feeble but cold wind playing with you as a prelude of winter. And as another winter prelude these days as the clouds have moves East, the mountains have unveiled their peaks, with just a little bit of sugar on top, like cakes grandma used to bake during my childhood...white, delicate and promising, and sweet and flavoured, not vanilla like in the past, but winter-flavoured, that particular smell you can sense when winter is near... Yet as there are no more sugared cakes in the oven, I failed to capture the sugar coating of the mountains, so for now just it's just the gold and the copper, and the richness of fall...

Colours

2010-10-18T18:22:00.010+03:00

whether it is red, or green, or blue, or purple, each colour has its unique way to touch our retina, and each of us feel more attracted to some of them. Sometimes, because a certain colour reminds us of the first flowers we got, or of the first ball our parents bought for us.

For others, it is the sky their eyes open towards every morning, or the garden they have been working on for the past weeks... for others is the fall that paves the path for winter every year, and the poppies gently swaying in the golden wheat...

The eyes I mirrored myself into are colours- bearing warm promises, and the hair I sometimes like to play with, is colour... the skin bathed in the hot burning sand of beaches and the salty, tumultuous sea is colour. Colours are...life, life as everybody feels it and lives it, life in its beauty and misery, in all its greatness and uniqueness.

the last signs of summer

2010-09-29T17:05:00.002+03:00

Circus in town

2010-09-19T12:48:00.002+03:00

Not long ago a circus troupe came into Sibiu, and like every time such "events" happen, I missed it. After all, going to the circus has never been on my must-do list. Yet seeing clowns, all kinds of circus staff and all sorts of animals cannot be but interesting, even if you are not into circus shows. So I also tried to catch a glimpse of some of the animals that were camped in Strand. And...well, the result is just an elephant and a camel in its shadow. The result, unfortunately, is not entirely a real safari picture, as I was in a hurry, and as my camera doesn't do zooming well. Anyway without much more introduction here's the pic.

dry flowers and a bit more

2010-09-09T18:51:00.008+03:00

Happy Birthday to you, Freddie!

2010-09-05T12:20:00.010+03:00

There are artists nowadays that work for money, there are others that do it for the pleasure of it, out of passion. Freddie was one of the latter. What I remember about him is his warm and kind eyes, as well as smile, his gorgeous voice and impressive songs.

In spite of a unique shyness and an apparent hesitation in certain moments of his life (especially interviews), Freddie was a totally different person on stage, while doing music. If during the ordinary, usual days of his life he was burning on the inside- deep, hidden yet very profound feelings and experiences, while on stage he was burning on the outside- a flame of feelings- love, exuberance, intensity.

His songs, as well as his voice are full of the passion and the energy of a person living today like there is no tomorrow.

His love for drama and theatre went beyond the stage of his concerts and the sets of his videos. He was an artist in more than one way during his life- a singer, a composer, a player. His great personality, love of life recorded on tape, gave him life beyond his death. He is still now 19 years after his death, more alive than ever in my heart and in the heart of those who have loved him, on the screen or on the radio waves.

So, here is a big Happy Birthday to you, Freddie! You have embellished life and your songs and voice has brought an entire world into my life...

sky upon the city- medieval times

2010-09-03T20:56:00.002+03:00

Timisoara 2- the cathedral

2010-08-29T21:11:00.003+03:00

timisoara

2010-08-22T17:54:00.006+03:00

eyes wide open

2010-08-20T23:44:00.004+03:00

many times we pass through life into growing, into becoming grown-ups as they say and in spite of the "incredible" advantages, there are always some downsides that are often overlooked and undervalued.

Have you ever seen the wonder in a child's eyes? It's incomparable to anything...it is just there. You see a child's eyes full of wonder at the world around them- their eyes wide open and mirroring the reality a lot better than we "grown- ups" do. It is a rather empty mirror where the world sends its reflection, or rather the smooth and calm surface of a lake. Everything is so pure and clear and so true to reality. Later in life our eyes are invaded with the impurities of the world around, and the more we think we know of the world the dirtier and altered our image of it gets. We stop seeing the beauty of the world, the simplicity and wonder surrounding us becomes but an obstacle in our achieving our goals.

And we aspire to become gods- creators of all things around, we see the beauty in the metallic coulours of things around, in the lifeless that surrounds us, after all it is our creation, we couldn't really be ashamed of it...

Yet, in spite of this turmoil I should be happy my eyes can still see the real beauty, they can still go beyond piles of human debris and pettiness in search of the natural beauty that has managed to remain unspoiled. I can still be as amazed as a child, and use this as a shield against unfortunately, the evil, the ugliness and the superficial that we humans so often promote as true values worthwhile admiring and appreciating.

me, you and ....them

2010-08-17T00:57:00.010+03:00

This city, like many of our cities is amazing in many ways- it has a beautiful centre with ancient but well preserved and restored buildings, a lot of parks here and there, just to bring more green into our lives, its people are quite friendly and open and its transportation is almost like a Swiss watch. Probably the best example of high standard of living and urban beauty is its Mall which practically dazzles you.

It's like a different dimension, once you step behind its gates it's like you find yourself in an entirely new world where lights, colours, and the sound of money and cheerful chats surround you from everywhere almost drowning you in such a state of well- being. And people seem to revolve around it like moths towards light- they are attracted in spite of turning out to be quite "dangerous" for them in the end, as they will spend all their money.... And, money or no money in your wallet this glamour gets you and performs and aesthetic surgery on your face preserving an almost annoyingly ever smile on your face. Everything seems so well civilized, so well bred and everything seems to be in its right place...

It is like a strategy to make people feel happy despite not having real reasons to feel like that, all the while making them forget about the truly existing reasons that should make them feel a lot less happy. It's like we plant flowers and make parks, yet we cut entire forests, we install air conditioning to make us forget about global warming, we build up modern, spicy and totally cool shops whose shop windows' only purpose is to lure people into buying their way to happiness, and yet behind all this lies the poor, the forgotten and the abandoned, in a way- the less charming truth.

Maybe it is not wrong to live like that, or maybe I am wrong when I say this, and many might disagree with me, and I wouldn't even blame them. All I say is that after my eyes have wondered in amazement through the lights of the glamorous city, I finally ended up in less popular sites- like the stations. I have noticed this about cities- behind the nice looking parts (which are usually in the centre), there lies a darker, less fortunate part usually placed in stations. And seeing the old, the young all of them abandoned and poor, after having seen all that beauty, it's like almost hurting physically your eyes.

You see old people, tired after having worked all their life, in most cases for nothing, their pride long gone, you see children already tired of life, you see old buildings barely standing, their sad windows looking out at the world passing by and it ain't pretty at all. It hurts you to see them in your way, after all not earlier than an hour ago, you were trying on and buying your latest cool dress and were drinking your cocktail somewhere in a cool refreshing and comfy place. You feel bad to see others suffering for real reasons, when you get so easily upset because your favourite T-shirt is sold out.

And thus we end up sending away such people, hiding them from our sight, not because we are ashamed with them as we would often say, but because seeing them we are ashamed with ourselves.

a different bon appetit...

2010-08-14T14:19:00.006+03:00

Just some plates I have discovered in my countryside holiday...

holidays

2010-08-08T18:54:00.007+03:00

Just snapshots from my holiday away from the city and into the heart of....

Carmen

2010-07-14T21:02:00.005+03:00

Nothing can sound better in our Big Square than classical music....and these days rehearsals for Carmen by Bizet are taking place here involving a great number of performers (dancers). Most of the dancers seem to be rather in their training period, but together with the music and the passion they devote to dance one could say the show this Saturday is going to be great. Here are some pix, due to my camera performance in the dark, I should probably apologize for their quality.... :)

Modern Man?

2010-05-29T19:30:00.004+03:00

There is this very "funny" type of person-cool, many times distant, the prototype of a very reasonable, reliable person. It's a new species that has appeared and evolved under the harsh conditions of the society we live in.

And this perfectly adapted species has a tremendous fear of feelings. Their urge to be accepted, and even more, to impose themselves as very determined and as "I- know- what- to- do- in- any- situation" type of person, has determined them to turn off their feelings. They want to look perfectly adapted and always in control of things, as any sign of vulnerability would damage their image. Thus, feelings would be just a sign of weakness, leading to the impression that person is on loose ground, or somehow out of control of their life.

So occasionally only, this new species would let just for a bit their feelings to take over, but it is so rarely and followed by so much regret afterwords, that the non-feeling state seems a lot more comfortable and at hand to them.

And thus, in time, the subject of feelings and emotions has become taboo for them, they would go on through life boasting about their equilibrated and perfectly balanced nature, about their capacity to think things straight, objectively, without the inherent distractions of the heart. Such things as "I have no feelings" and "What are feelings good at, what is their purpose?" are among the most often used and famous words. Yet, I wonder, why do they feel the need to say this so many times, it almost sounds like a justification, like they were trying really hard to prove their way of life is so much better. If that life devoided of feelings is better why do you feel the need to defend yourself so much?

Besides promoting such verbal "ads" as mentioned above, this new species takes great effort in hiding or stopping any sign of affection- they will always be there for you if you want them to mend your car for you, or paint your house, but they will never be there for you for anything that might require them to show they have feelings. Thy will never wish you a "Happy Anniversary" or "Merry Christmas" because these are just empty words for them, they will never be your shoulder to cry on either. They might want to be your true friend, but they will fail for being incomplete. It will be impossible for them to be there for you 100%, you might overlook this for a while but then in time, you see how emotionally crippled they are, as you start missing the nice feeling of a hug, the warmth and support of some good words told from the heart.

It is sad to see how because of fear of opening one's heart to the life's treasures, people turn into "robots" voluntarily; behind their "boldness" and coolness, they end up being just cowards, afraid not only of their own feelings but mostly of the others. They will use plenty of reasons to justify their rejection of feelings- betrayal, boredom mostly, indifference, a keen sense of the flaws existing in the people around, coupled with a very high self esteem and pride.

It is sad, once again, as they end up hurting others as well on this path they have chosen...

To Co

2010-05-23T19:33:00.006+03:00

The freshly mown grass has waken me this morning
The pink peach flowers delicately
showed me the new day.
Everything looked promising in the warm light of the sun:
Another day in paradise...... without my friend.

ballet in 2 acts

2010-05-01T20:57:00.003+03:00

Act 1, Scene 1 and 2

Act 2 and Final, Scene 1 and 2

mostly blue spring

2010-05-01T17:28:00.005+03:00

weekend break

2010-04-17T19:19:00.004+03:00

Since my hard disk is kinda dead, you'll be probably "happy" to know that posting pictures is out of the question for a while, and since I absolutely can't let this crisis has a too much serious effect on this blog I'll probably write tonight some words I have come across during my virtual and literary wanderings. They are rather quotes, not many so you can hide your little yawning....you won't have time to get too much bored :)

" People who are only in each other's company for amusement never really like each other so well, or esteem each other so highly, as those who work together, and perhaps suffer together. "

"White brilliant flowers
Floating on the warm waters of the river
towards the South country
of the heart of darkness.

Sweating dark bodies
carrying their sins
like a burden on their shoulders
like a moonless night... "

" Bleak thoughts were lingering outside
the window of her soul.
The mist showed their shape even more grotesque.
Like haunting souls returned from beyond
Turning peace into fight,
Love into hatred
And light into death. "

Chance

2010-04-11T23:25:00.004+03:00

Her soul has rested, having travelled beyond the valley of the violet lilac and the white daffodils, and having trodden upon the perfumed waters of April nights.

His soul has travelled as well, but in its path, it hasn't encountered the fragile beauty she has seen. No, he has rather dared the dark depths of faraway seas, he has faced the strong and harsh winds of the North.

Yet, they met.

Two grains of sand have met somewhere in the universe, carrying in their essence her and his aspirations and reflections. They met in the least expected place and time- on an ordinary day of April, in an ordinary street of an even more ordinary town. In fact they had been there for a while, yet not knowing that what they were longing for was neither in the blossoming valley, nor in the salty depths of the seas, not knowing that what/who they needed the most was right there at an arm's reach...

But two apparently insignificant grains of sand made it all happen....

flowers invasion

2010-04-10T14:09:00.008+03:00

with the risk of annoying some people who might have got tired of seeing flowers over flowers again and again, and with the risk of maybe making some of my friends roll their eyes at the sight of too many flowers invading not only my blog, but also photography, and above all also my friends' retina....Well with that risk in mind, I have to admit I can't help it. I am so glad about spring having come that "selfish" as I am, I really feel like sharing my happiness with the people I care about, and why not, with the people I wanna annoy. :)

Then, even though I know that such topic for photography can be seen as just a sugary interest, quite shallow, maybe, I still think that flowers and nature in general are in the end some of the most beautiful things on earth. The problem with such a photography topic, I think, is that nature makes people's job easier. The beauty is there, quite obvious and tangible, whereas other topics might give the artists more hardships in unveiling their true value, thus making the artist's work more valuable and important. "Chapeau!" I might even say, but still this doesn't deny any value to let's say "the easy photography"...either way many times it depends on the subjects you might have at hand, the opportunities offered by people, or places.

So be patient, my dear friends, for lack of subject matter, for the time being you are still stuck with the same topic-nature and its beauty... :)

a personal treat ...prietenii stiu de ce :)

2010-04-09T00:54:00.003+03:00

my very favourite ever - Queen and a couple of their rather rare but equally impressive and harmonious songs. They are, after all, the cherry on top of the cake, as they say. Enjoy!

spring at night

2010-04-05T00:53:00.006+03:00

It has snowed tonight- the blizzard of dozens flowers blossoming in spring... They say all cats are black at night. I say all trees in bloom are covered in snow at night. I am looking outside my window in the solitary night and all I see are what appear to be snowflakes gently dancing in the night breeze- and still despite my treacherous eyes, other sense tells me I'm wrong.

They must be petals thickly covering each branch in a very unique bond, as I can smell the daffodils and the fresh cherry flowers. It is definitely spring again, and despite the green gaining more and more ground each day, at night black and white take the power. I wonder which is stronger- the all covering dark, or rather the white- pale and yet capable of making itself seen in spite of the dark?

....and it all started from a pink tree gently dancing on the tune of wind on a spring night....

Palm Sunday

2010-03-28T18:38:00.003+03:00

just .... wet spring

2010-03-21T08:54:00.008+02:00

....

2010-03-14T20:32:00.003+02:00

A very awkward feeling has overcome me lately, a mixture of weakness and blindness, that is becoming stronger and stronger, rendering me weaker and weaker. It's the feeling of helplessness in grasping the people around me. It is so frustrating as the more I have tried the more I have failed in really understanding and sympathizing with them.
It's like a sea of blur and fog has turned into an ocean, driving everybody away, further in the distance. And here I am after years, drifting near an isolated island of solitude, full of wonders and questions, and doubts and the echos of all these as only answers to my whispers. I sometimes try to get a glimpse of the others, to see how they lead their lives and how they connect their little islands into a commercial and social network, based on common shared interests, as well as the use of convenient lies and mockery. After all, they all have something to sell- their image, their individuality, their soul... And what I perceive as being but signs of meanness and arrogance, is in fact, the glue that bonds them together. And I wonder why couldn't I fit in? Why wasn't I able to find the same glue and use it as carelessly and instinctively as they do? They survive and end up feeling good about themselves, at least they look like it, and they don't look back, after all who would like to still have any attachments to an island that is already doomed to drowning? They just keep getting away as fast as they can, no look behind, as if fearing a single look even could somehow make them lose their course and direction...

Candy love

2010-02-22T21:05:00.012+02:00

As everybody knows, the Romanian version of Saint Valentine is rushing rapidly upon the pages of our agendas, and so, as appropriately, this post is about "dragobete", or to better put it about what this holiday and tradition stands for.
First of all I just want to point out that personally, I find it quite hard to associate February with such profound, intense and beautiful feeling as they say love is. Who could imagine love as being something happening in a chilly, sometimes foggy or even snowy February day? Love is about blooming, about fragrance and warm, caressing wind, it is about spring and the coming to life of your soul, now reunited with its destined Half. And if love is not about spring, then it might be about the sweet, cherries smiling down on you from their green palace of branches, it's about heat and passion, about long nights and golden days, about the smell of salty sand and ocean...

But if none of these are at our disposal in such a beautiful month like February, maybe some substitutes provided by our mind could induce a bit the idea of love. Our mind can but imagine the sweet taste of candy love, a walk under the moonlit trees along the isolate lakes, or if preferences are rather oriented towards such exquisite things as Shakespeare's sonnets, or medieval, chivalry love, then the image of some strange love potion could take our thoughts far away...

But if you are in love then you no longer need the strives of the mind to paint these things for you. They'll be there for you, no matter if it's just another month of February, no matter if those around you reject love as they would plague, and again no matter how much you might have suffered because of love...because somehow any deception you might have had in life is but another feather that would turn you into a Phoenix in the end.

la critique, c'est la solution

2010-02-10T10:40:00.003+02:00

How can people feel better about themselves?
There are certain things one can do in order to grow in their own eyes. Of course as almost everything in life there is an easy way to do that as well as a more complex and hard manner to achieve a certain self-fulfillment. Most of us and most of the time will choose the easy way, our nature being rather inclined to that kind of acting.
Yet in our particular way, the situation is more complex than that. Why? Well, if you choose the easy way, then what you will get won't be the real thing, it will be just a fade copy, an appearance. Only choosing the hard way will ensure a real growth, making you a truly better person.
And yet, maybe not knowing this, or on the contrary refusing this truth most of us will always choose the light way. That's human nature, I guess.
Anyway, let's make it a more down to earth. If I choose the hard way to become a better person, then I will always try to become better than the previous day. Thus, this constant comparison with myself will drive me to do good, through an advice, a supporting word, or a comforting and encouraging gesture. You can't but help that you might have advanced two more cm into the path of good.
As for the easy way to do it, well one can always be better if those around them are bad or weak. So if you wanna feel good about yourself, you can always start criticizing everything and everyone around. Of course, while doing that your self-esteem quenches its thirst, your pride and ego will be more than satisfied- after all, you ARE a great person. And you see your criticizing as a sign and expression of your objectivity and courage to make a stand, while others' attitude is being passive and coward. Your head and look are straight, up while others go through life looking down.
And yet, or in spite of your objectivity and courage you go through life as a hunter sniffing for "leaks", weak spots- in people, the system, your country, hell, even in your blouse or the way bus tickets are made....
Even though people always criticizing, feel they have a life full of courage and attitude, a life in which they are not afraid to point to the existing problems, at one point in their voyage, they cross the line. They will end up doing this not because they really care and want to improve things, but because while criticizing they feel they are superior, above the "common masses."
And lately the world is getting full of the latter. As i said in a previous post everybody nowadays has an opinion, not a praising one, most of the time. So you see the optimism in me, when I say that this world is definitely getting more and more "good" people....

Avatar

2010-02-08T17:47:00.005+02:00

Last Saturday, for the first time in months I managed to get to the cinema to see the over-acclaimed Avatar... And though I usually choose not to go with the herd, this time I went against my principles and I practically let myself be dragged into the cinema.
Well I've got 2 words for that night: no regrets! Avatar is definitely one of the best movies so far. The plot itself is quite interesting especially as it puts forth certain issues we should all think about- racism, the fight for freedom and rights, as well as the people's predatory characteristics, or to better put it, -locusts- how I "like" to call ourselves. It s amazing to see how after so many years of treading upon the Earth, humans still feel like it is their birth right to use everything they come across, to use, take and destroy. So here we are some time in the future on another planet-Pandora- diminishing their resources just like we did with our planet, killing everyone while "purchasing" those goods.... Why? You know that part of another film I used to like- Matilda- where her father says something like: "I'm big, you're small, I'm smart, you're stupid!"....well we have something similar here. We have the locals who are definitely some "savages", primitives and ignorant of everything that's important (especially the value of money), and then on the other side we have the saviors- the Americans- who are cultured people, appreciating art, technology, science and all modern commodities. You can see who was the big/ small, smart/ stupid. Of course the film attacks all this racial and predatory behavior, praising the rather simple, close to nature people. I can definitely see why this film might have "offended " certain circles- political, economical- advocating progress and evolution at any costs.

Yet, probably an even better part of the film is sustained by the imagery used- the stuff involved in making the film went miles beyond anything done before in terms of special effects, imagination and visual beauty. I am talking here about the kind of beauty that lifts your spirit, makes you closer to perfection. It's not the beauty you live now and then pass by, but the one that leaves traces into memory...The memory of some future events we might never get the chance to live...

Just burning midnight oil

2010-02-07T23:51:00.003+02:00

Elbert Green Hubbard once said that the recipe for perpetual ignorance is to be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge. Without any particular reason these words somehow sunk into my mind- it is simple and yet so right in so many ways.

We so many times fall into this trap, especially nowadays when everybody has an opinion about everything. We are bombed every day by the others' ideas, we in our turn voice our thoughts about things around, about the people we know, or not, about the universe, about that tone, or that look...And the trap is, while doing that we always forget to lend our ears to the others. We no longer read either, as that would definitely be just a waste of time. Why read? I know things... Well we definitely know more that before, but maybe we owe this to just having better antennae than people used to before. Why do I say that? well, simply because now we just pick things from around. We don't even realize they are not our own thoughts. We just find them there- in our heads- one day and of course in our pride we voice them loud. People have to hear them, after all they are genial ideas-they are ours, right?
You are going to say where is the problem? we still lend our ears and open our minds to the multitude of ideas out there, that must be a good thing, right? Not as long as we keep thinking those ideas were ours first. The trap is we just might end up being too content about "our knowledge" (which was never ours, in fact), or satisfied with our opinions (again not ours)...So the danger is we start living a lie, we are not only less smart and intelligent at the end of the day, but we are much prouder about ourselves, thus in fact diminishing our chances for true advancement and enlightment.
So my advise for you would be- go out there, take a book, dust it a bit and then plunge into its pages. You might be surprised. Then go hunting for ideas, but do it consciously and don't take credit for what's not yours. And you'll see how better man you will become by the end of that day!

"The God Game"

2010-02-07T00:46:00.003+02:00

I might have been called many names so far, but never a child believing in Santa... That sounds strange but I think it is actually a nice name, even though it was definitely meant in a derogatory tone. So what can I tell the person calling me that, but THANKS, man! I prefer being considered a child (What is wrong about being a child in mind and heart?). As for the part with me- the child- believing in Santa....what is so wrong about believing in something good, in hope, in being given something good in return for my good done to someone else...
Of course all this was but a metaphor for those- "silly and naive"- who believe in God!!!! After all just a fairytale character meant to lead the weak and stupid into a certain direction.... As for religion, well that's another fairytale, not only there to lead most of the Earth's people into the direction wanted-just like one would lead thoughtless sheep- but also responsible for genocide... You can imagine my surprise to read these words...I mean, through time there have been so many things said upon the subject that I don't see how anyone could say anything without the risk of repeating themselves; these paths are so often trodden upon that I am still surprise to see people getting heated upon the topic. I am still trying to see the originality of their words, that would somehow justify their effort..but like that, just supporting an idea with some clumsy arguments, an idea that not only is not true, but also offensive in so many ways to so many people.... that is indeed strange...
The way I see it anyone is entitled to their opinion- whether is believing in God, or choosing science and material- but I guess either way, it shouldn't be a matter of pride, wearing this (dis)belief like a badge of courage or something...Faith, or non faith should be a personal matter, not something you cry out to the world while beating your chest... It is not just a game where the opponents keep saying: mine is better!!!!
God is there!!! And if you wanna call me a naive and stupid child for that, go ahead. I prefer being that, rather than an "all- knowing and understanding Adult"....

Realities of the same soul

2010-01-26T15:59:00.015+02:00

It is more than clear this freezing we are experiencing can be very depressing for many, not only depressing but also an obstacle people have to try and avoid or overpass every time they leave the house. Work has ended up seeming even less pleasant than the usual daily chores, as for walking in the park or on your favourite paths, well those seem dreams put aside in a special box to be opened later in the year.
The only thing pushing people ahead are visual thoughts of warmth and fireplace, a cup of burning hot tea, the hug of the loved one, and why not even an oozing melting chocolate cake. And maybe to get into the atmosphere one sees in the American movies, people might see in their mind's eye candles as well and to complete the image some minds would go as far as to see flowers.
Indeed it is the peak of winter, and yet, thanks to the commercialized world we live in, we don't see it but when we "crawl" or "slide " outside... in the comfy atmosphere of our homes, we live in an oasis of virtual summer if we want to. We have beach movies with tropical islands and dreams, we have beautiful curvacious women wearing swimming suits, or even ice-cream, if we feel like it. And everything gets to us through the magic of the screens, and of the cards...we have finally conquered winter and cold, even though we keep complaining about them. I guess that is how we are moulded - to complain even though or especially when our life goes for the better.
Anyway, talking about being bombed by images meant to mould our mentalities, visions and aspirations here are some glimpses of those visual thoughts...

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T17:44:00.004+02:00

Craciun Fericit! Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noel!

a fost odata ca niciodata...

2009-12-17T20:40:00.004+02:00

Nu stiu daca e din cauza ca este la moda sau doar pentru ca de ceva vreme gandul la revolutie nu imi da pace, insa iata-ma si pe mine cernind aici cateva randuri despre acel an. Si ca premiera si posibil unica data, iata ca aceste randuri sunt in romaneste. Cam ciudat sa scrii in engleza despre o amarata de revolutie din decembrie '89 din Romania.

In primul rand revolutia a fost un soc pentru oamenii pe vremea aceea. Oamenii erau in acea stare de resemnare in care parca toate lucrurile erau asa cum erau si nimic nu se putea face sa le schimbi. Desi nimanui nu i placea starea de lucruri existenta, oamenii nu stiau ce e speranta, si isi traiau zilele una dupa alta in aceeasi fel- unii lingusindu-si superiorii, altii ascultand clandestin Europa Libera printre bruiajele interminabile, sau glumind pe seama unui american, unui rus si unui roman. Aceleasi personaje ale unui numar interminabil de bancuri, in care in mod uimitor, romanul era intotdeauna castigator prin inventivitate, umor, spirit practic. Si in aceasta stare de lucruri revolutia nu a fost ceva ce putea fi prevazut....
Stiu ca ascultam anumite posturi din strainatate care zilnic aduceau in casele oamenilor vesti despre Timisoara si ce se intampla acolo cu zile inainte sa cuprinda intreaga tara. Si cam atat, insa nimeni nu vorbea despre asta sau s-ar fi gandit ca acele evenimente aveau sa duca la revolutie.
Si mai stiu ca in acea zi de decembrie, cand Ceausescu a fugit, printre ecuatii si cozonac, am pornit radioul- si am auzit... La inceput am crezut ca sigur nu are ce sa fie decat teatru radiofonic, ceea ce se spunea era prea nemaiauzit, si vocile erau prea panicate, aproape dramatice, avand acea exagerare specifica actorilor de teatru...
Si apoi timpul a stat in loc- oamenii de la tara s-au adunat care pe unde au putut- la putinii vecini ce aveau cate un tv, porcii au ramas taiati in mijlocul curtii (sper ca unii au scapat cu viata), cozonacii nepusi in cuptor. Si bineinteles romanu ce se afla departe de pericolul orasului si al gloantelor, s-a pornit pe sarbatorit- s-a adus vinul si rachiul si cozonacii copti nu au mai asteptat Craciunul.
Apoi au urmat zile pline de contradictii: tragea armata, ba nu, minciuna! Nu era armata; se tragea in orasul cutare, si apele fusesera otravite, si alte si alte zvonuri menite sa ajute gogoasa sa creasca. Si a crescut timp de 20 de ani....
Cm atat s-a impregnat in mintea unui copil de 14 ani- un fragment de teatru radiofonic, Ceausescu venit din strainatate tinand un discurs tremurat si huiduit, si multe multe desene animate- uimire, incantare de copil la urmarirea desenelor animate timp de ore intregi, pentru prima data in viata lui. Acum dupa ani, a mai ramas gustul amar al gogoasei, si intrebarea: cat va mai dura pana sa faca poc...din nou?

2009-12-06T00:19:00.007+02:00

Even though winter is here and Christmas and the New Year are on their way, their spirit seems gone, or maybe not yet come. It might be the missing snow, or it might as well be the missing of dear persons. Definitely a year marked by the loss of two dear people to me- a loss that not even the lights and carols that come along with winter holidays can make up for. I know the only thing keeping me going on is, ironically the realization that there is always room for worse. So, in spite of the loss and mourning, going on and appreciating what I've got seems the only logical thing to do.

Yet, hoping that this "holidays" will bring more hope and news of life and goodness, and light into the heart, I welcome them as before- with carols, fragrance of snow in the air and the hope for a better year to come.

modern means of transport

2009-11-30T21:54:00.008+02:00

What's safer these days? is it a four legged transportation, a winged one, a wheeled one? Favourites anyone.....?

life angles

2009-11-29T18:43:00.010+02:00

Different life perspectives.... when talking about life one should not only think about what's in store for us, what awaits on the path of our life, but also, and this is quite important, the person's perception of their life. In other words, no matter what kind of life we might be given that life in the end gets the meaning and the appearance we give it.

Some of us might be tempted to paint life as a painter's palette- full of colors, tints and shades- thus holding the promise of a beautiful painting in the end. Full of optimism, this category of people will live life as a beautiful and lively painting, and even though problems might be on the way, they will survive and even become stronger.

Yet there is the other category where life is almost seen like through a broken glass/ window. Thus the beauty of life is not shown to them- it is there in front of their eyes, but they will always fails to see it, as their eyes are covered with the broken shattered glass.

Which perspective would you choose?

no farewells

2009-11-22T00:26:00.006+02:00

i really wish i could freeze time or if not i wish this all would have been a nightmare- long, painful almost incredibly unbearable, but a nightmare...still, my leaden heart tells me otherwise... a dearest friend has gone to different realms- I'm sure better ones.I try really hard to be happy for him- he had a beautiful life,and now an even more beautiful one, yet i'm sad for me and for all those who loved and cared about him, and i'm quite angry about my memory, which i know will betray me in time, leaving me with but faible puzzles of him.
yet, in spite of maybe forgetting some peices of the puzzle, the most important ones- your essence- who you are for those around you- will remain there forever, you will keep being my best friend- laughing, supportive, confident and full of dreams, open, kind and loving.You'll always be lively, yet not alive.
May God and angels open the gates of heaven for you, Coco!

c'etait une fois

2009-10-24T16:41:00.016+03:00

ode aux cieux

2009-10-24T16:19:00.014+03:00

autumn colours

2009-10-22T21:15:00.003+03:00

tales from the golden age

2009-10-01T17:51:00.003+03:00

I read the other day an interview with Cristian Mungiu. He was talking about his latest film entitled " Tales from the Golden Age"- a very well selected collection of so called urban legends... It brings back a whole bunch of memories...
going to school/ work on Saturdays, the power being cut off leaving us with, well...telling tales in the dark...Then there was the illegal and always "dangerous" listening on certain radios (Free Europe, VOA, BBC) followed the next day by my reporting everything to a friend of mine on the way to and from school. Then there were the days the grocer's next to the school got such delicacies as oranges, certain chocolate, cherries or even meat or certain salami. Those were the days! We were let or even sent sometimes by teachers to queue and get our little present for the day...of course this was not a daily habit, and in spite of what a normal person might think nowadays about a queue as being sth annoying and tiresome, well in time people would learn to live with queues. They became part of their life, it was the daily and ever-present activity of the long summer afternoons. And what stories and jokes people would tell then. I miss the humour people had those days- it was their only lifeboat- ...

And then there were the cartoons - "Mihaela" and the news on the "telejurnal"- snapshots of the president and his genius wife visiting places, campaigns for saving electricity, and some feeble glimpses into the world abroad. There was ABBA and Albano and Romina Power, and Jeniffer Rush, and there was Casablanca and Rebecca.

And since Cristian mentioned certain urban legends...well I couldn't overlook some of my own, right? The planes, sometimes crossing our bluest sky, were the Americans coming to rescue us... people were always watched and there was someone there that knew last night you ate pork and listened to forbidden radios... A real Big Brother watching us with his scrutinizing eyes.

I guess those days are long gone, yet leaving behind deep traces into people's lives, into their mentalities. We still have our urban legends, I'd dare say less charmant and less rich in meaning than those before... And with risk of being contradicted (that is in case someone would lay their eyes upon these lines), I would go as far and say that before the inner life was deeper- people used to live more profoundly and more complex, and maybe more silently. Now it's all becoming too surface like, glowy but shallow...it's like living in a plastic world, with almost no direction, purpose, with no emotional urge... we just exist....... Please contradict me :)

second tome- summer wine

2009-09-21T21:18:00.011+03:00

summer wine

2009-09-07T21:16:00.044+03:00

Time never seems to fly faster than when we want it to stop...it is like it obstinates to do its will, against ours. And the faster it flies, the drunker we get- with feelings, sensations, all senses being entwined in our mind's realm of souvenirs... And yet, or exactly because of this drunkness at the end of summer the sweet-sour taste of wine is all there is, plus probably a scrapbook of visual captures of past moments....

sunday laze and little booze

2009-07-19T20:45:00.013+03:00

just moon

2009-07-19T16:35:00.010+03:00

spring travels

2009-05-18T21:17:00.018+03:00

From the tavel diaries of a..... bee,....? The spring has just settled in for a couple of weeks only...yet the urge to unveil new realms set me off. So one day i took me and myself plus my "friendly" rucksack - that friendly and close and "dear" to me that it actually cost me quite a lot, plus it kinda stuck on my back, heavy and never easy to forget about. No worries I might leave it behind without actually starting to fly :)

There followed entire days I spent crossing some mountains- the fresh air as well as the amazing sights were breathtaking...But no matter how much one might indulge in the pleasures of discovering this country, of uncovering its richness and marvels, fatigue settles in and after a while, as any traveller would do I tried to find some shelter for the night to come. This brought me to this place full of awkwardly different but beautiful houses... Could this be a village? If so, why were all houses so different? What could that tell me about this people? But as fatigue was becoming my master I left these questions unanswered for the night.

At the horizon, the mountains I have just crossed were looking melancholy towards me...their tears were falling down their face- heavy and white...

but i left their sight behind, turning my eyes towards what captured me from the start-a very beautifully carved gate and a beautiful wooden building. I don't really know what it serves for, but it has a tall tower heading for the warm and perfumed sky of the evening....

My tired feet guided me to the house of the sky- its deep blue taking my thoughts back to Bretagne.... Outside the fragrance of jasmin both took my breath away and made me drunk with beauty- it was like a heavily flavoured wine that gets to your head entangling your thoughts in the interwined, mysterious paths of the mind...

The feeling was amazing, almost extatic... both outside, thanks to the perfume of the jasmin, and inside where a warm and hospitable and welcoming bed was waiting....at its sight my eyes felt unbearably heavy ....I laid down and .....

temoignes...

2009-05-08T21:31:00.004+03:00

Les gens souvent passent sans me regarder, sans nous regarder - moi et mon enfant... et ils se croient tous seul dans ce petit univers qui est ma rue...ils ne savent jamais que mon regard est pour eux.

Je les suivis de mes yeux, dechiffrent leurs sentiments- la malice, la fureur, la joie, la surprise...sur leur visage, dans les yeux ou bien, dans leur voix...

Des que je suis venue ici j'ai vu bien de choses- certaines sont incroyables, d'autres tristes, et d'autres (bien nombreuses), pleines de l'esperance de la jeunesse.

Le fait c'est qu'ils se croient seuls- ils parlent, rirent, des fois, ils pleurent meme, et je suis leur temoigne. Un temoigne muet et invisible, comme l'air, comme la brise qu'a peine apercoit...

Every little cobble....

2009-05-07T20:10:00.012+03:00

A friend of mine said once that every person has a story to unveil.... True! I'd go as far as to say that everything around has a story. Stories are not just a human characteristic- every little stone, or every leaf has its story. There is a story in the wind, in the silence surrounding us at night, there is a story in the roots and branches of trees, in the fragrance of flowers in spring... We fail to see their story many times. Whispered, sung, or just uttered- they rarely get to us, not because they'd lack essence or import, but rather that we lack the knowledge and patience to listen to their story, to watch their story....

Here is a glimpse into a possible story- imagination and peace will fill the rest of the puzzle...

Easter

2009-04-07T21:40:00.013+03:00

Just wishing a very Happy Easter and Joyeuses Paques for those who celebrate Easter this Sunday! May you enjoy the beloved's presence and love!

" sprinter"

2009-04-07T20:25:00.020+03:00

spring + winter =.....?..... "sprinter????" What started as a very shy spring some days ago became a very brave and bold spring. I guess these are some of the advantages of the global warming..... or maybe it's just me trying to see the full side of the glass.

missing the winter d'autre fois....

2009-03-08T23:47:00.007+02:00

That night the fresh, sweet and mild air was like the one they used to breathe while in one of the small villages scattered among hills and valleys. It was not the air of oncoming spring, but of winter, quite surprisingly a pre-Christmas winter. It reminded her a lot of long time ago, when she used to spend her winterholidays somwhere near the mountains with her grandparents. It smelled like burnt wood, smoke playfully coming out of chimneys. It smelled of people chattering around the fire, of women preparing traditional meals, of men talking over a glass of moonstone of the "serious" matters of the village, of kids anxiously expecting the next day sledging.
It was night, winter, after a several days snow....now it had stoppedand a freezing cold was conquering the village and its surroundings. Everything was so white and so light; in spite of the dark night outside all things seemed to have an inner light of their own. And everything was so frozen that almost all noises- footsteps on snow, gates being opened and then closed- almost sounded like broken ice.
Here and there some lonely dog was barking out loud its miserable life. Others always answered, closer and more distant, all joined by a clear cold echo.
That night there were lights in the sky- a huge bright moon and her billion little sisters must be having a ball...
Everything is so clear and fresh in her memory as if it all happened this last Christmas....and yet entire years passed by like eagles in their flight. The same SHE was trying to find the same sky, to grasp the same air, feeling like then. Only the faint breeze of air "d'autant" was present... The light of the earth were more powerful than those in the sky, the fragrances around her were stronger than those of the nature in winter. She was surrounded by parfumes and exquisite flavours; the cigarette smoke and the expesive drinks were invading her, sometimes the air becoming so heavy and overwheming that it almost choked her.
The infatuated laughters, the innuendo, the mean gossip floating within the room were almost hurting...she was wondering: "why hasn't anyone invented the time machine yet?"....
And she was at Aspen....

"Parliament controversy"- winter: good or bad???? NC

2009-02-19T00:25:00.008+02:00

who said the winter was heading towards the region of the rising sun?....last week or so the sight of fragile, yet so powerful through their fragrance, made my thoughts wander towards warmth and sun and life. Spring seemed so close I my fingertips could almost touch it...it was practically there in front of me...so powerful and so life giving, and so generous in itself. it was like nature came to life- little shy flowers tempted by the warm light of the sun rays, the sky,the birds, people's faces, but most of all the air, so rich and full of je ne sais quoi. Something you can only feel but you're quite incapable of verbalizing...that's spring...feeling happy without an apparent reason, feeling powerful and yet not having an ounce more in your possession that the other day, not being alone all the while wandering the streets by yourself... That's spring....the way I felt it some time ago....

but then in a matter of hearbeats i looked outside...my eyes and face were "hit" by white. Amazing and ironic how the same white of snow can be so longed for before a certain day, and how menacing and somehow disturbing in our little petty and shallow daily habits...how come the snow so pure and so often associated with childhood memories and bells of sledges seems now , on the threshold of spring, to have become just...well, just white and cold, and blizzard...whining drivers, horns, jam, nerveous swearing and breakdown....yet we do fail to see that it's the same white, the same pure snow...we fail to see that maybe things in nature, all around us don't necessarily evole around us...we human beings are not the ones to have set the things going...there is a bigger picture here than just us getting comfortably to our jobs in the morning, or than us filling our bags with more and more food for the body and less with food for thought...so we end up complaining:
- look there is so much water in the streets because of all this melted snow!- oh damn! it's cold again, dear. Have you heard? they said it'd be - 5. Oh God. I so hate the cold!....- comon, can't you see I'm in a hurry?!?!? cross the damn street for once and for all, old man! Why don't you stay home if you can't even drag your two boney feet...? We are trying to get to work here....
and so on...all day long....every day appears to come with its own list of human complaints- weather, injustice, poverty.... and again , i really have to use this word again, as i said again ironically you , i most, of us fall in this trap of the whining immortal souls over mortal and insgnificant trifles...
trying to detach myself from it a bit here's a glimpse of the beauty of what we so much blame - winter...