Random Thoughts: June 2013

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Sibfest, day 1

Brass Band & Gracja Majorettes from Stara Wies, Poland

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

As if in a dream, the moon showed her face from behind a veil of delicate silky blue curtain....It was about to start its biggest entrance that year, the closest she would get to humans for a long time. A queen of the night, the shy moon kept the distance for fear of hurting them with her beauty, such a ravishing beauty that it would be almost a sin to look at her.... so, she chose to show her pale face at night when only some occasional revellers would barely notice her through the madness of drunkenness. And even so, she would sometimes wear the clothes of clouds, or hide herself behind the rain, the snow and the fog. And yet, that night she came out in all her beauty, a beauty that strange and heavy with mystery that many kept looking at her in awe, wondering about her beautiful face, about what it would be like to her closer...Would it be lethal, like Icarus' flight towards the Sun brought him his death? would it be like being burnt by a sharp freezing fire of ice? Or would it be a miraculous journey into a realm so unexpected and surreal, that not even our dreams could show us such wonders?

Sunday, June 23, 2013

unquiet heart

Sometimes I am certain I have been deceived by people enough not to trust anyone anymore, yet, every time something unexpectedly hurtful happens, I seem to be falling into despair again....How naive can someone be? or is it rather such a thriving longing for something good to happen that one would lie to themselves just to feel better? It is probably within our genetic programming to get up whenever we fall down, dozens of times as some kind of obstinate machine, until the final fall. It seems such an optimistic concept when people talk about gathering your strengths and getting up after the so many disappointments and punches from bosses, friends, family, society, briefly, life in general. And yet, somehow it is backstabbing you...whenever disappointment hits you in the face with the force of thunderstorm, and yet acute and sharp as thousands needles, you get up...why? to have where to fall from once again, sooner or later, but likely sooner.... it is ironic and sometimes hard to take as such, and yet it happens to everyone of us each day....

I look behind to the final year or so and see but emptiness and regret over something I might have never had, but in my mind, perhaps...sad, ironical and for many unacceptable, for me as well, and yet I can't stop myself thinking about what happened all the while imagining how it might have been if things were different...and whether I relive the past or build an alternative reality in my imagination realm, it hurts the same, almost physically, like a claw is trying to grab something out of the chest....and then the minute I feel that, and the minute I write this, I see how useless it all is. And I'm wondering if anyone ever deserves someone else's tears....