Sad

This day's no longer what it used to be.... the fun and joy of what should be a celebration are scattered in the winds among the raindrops falling on my cheeks... I think of you and knowing we can no longer meet and chat as always, and laugh about the silliest things is shadowing this day. I can't possibly think of this as being a celebration, my celebration, as I remember right away it used to be yours as well, and nothing seems the same anymore...it all becomes a sad day, mournful early morning, followed by a day of routine when I keep on smiling like an old puppet, stuck on the same face routine.

Right now I could use an angel, I could use you by my side, to hug me, and comfort me, to laugh together while eating ice cream, and then to share things, and maybe to have another chance at listening to you more, to look for you more and try to waste no time with trifles, but with you. So precious but few moments...I would multiply them dozen times and it still wouldn't be enough, that's how wonderful you've been to me and to so many people. And yet, despite all theories about travelling in time, I know and I'm afraid I have lost you forever, my mind and soul are dry and longing, knocking at doors forever shut, waiting for things that aren't there and dreaming of things that are never meant to be... And then the only thing that's left are memories- soaked in tears, whenever they show their little heads... And thus I end up hiding them into the depth of my heart, as long as they stay there, I forget, I leave behind the happy memories which bring with them the sadness of present realities. Too afraid of the pain, and too fed up with it I start filling the shelves with surface things- another pair of jeans, another invented problem, lack of money, or time; another course, a movie, a bottle of perfume, photography. Yet nothing is enough after a while, everything pales and fades away, it wears out like a one-layer paint trying to cover old, rusty stains and which would eventually let see the ugly truth beneath....

You know what they say....you can run, but you can't hide... Anyway, if everything's been very puzzling from my quite confusing late-night words, here it goes, plain and simple: I miss you Co so much, I miss your spirit, your warm heart and energy, your beautiful smile, I miss the light in your eyes, your modesty, your crazy sense of humour, your everything.