just .... wet spring

....

A very awkward feeling has overcome me lately, a mixture of weakness and blindness, that is becoming stronger and stronger, rendering me weaker and weaker. It's the feeling of helplessness in grasping the people around me. It is so frustrating as the more I have tried the more I have failed in really understanding and sympathizing with them.
It's like a sea of blur and fog has turned into an ocean, driving everybody away, further in the distance. And here I am after years, drifting near an isolated island of solitude, full of wonders and questions, and doubts and the echos of all these as only answers to my whispers. I sometimes try to get a glimpse of the others, to see how they lead their lives and how they connect their little islands into a commercial and social network, based on common shared interests, as well as the use of convenient lies and mockery. After all, they all have something to sell- their image, their individuality, their soul... And what I perceive as being but signs of meanness and arrogance, is in fact, the glue that bonds them together. And I wonder why couldn't I fit in? Why wasn't I able to find the same glue and use it as carelessly and instinctively as they do? They survive and end up feeling good about themselves, at least they look like it, and they don't look back, after all who would like to still have any attachments to an island that is already doomed to drowning? They just keep getting away as fast as they can, no look behind, as if fearing a single look even could somehow make them lose their course and direction...

Candy love

As everybody knows, the Romanian version of Saint Valentine is rushing rapidly upon the pages of our agendas, and so, as appropriately, this post is about "dragobete", or to better put it about what this holiday and tradition stands for.
First of all I just want to point out that personally, I find it quite hard to associate February with such profound, intense and beautiful feeling as they say love is. Who could imagine love as being something happening in a chilly, sometimes foggy or even snowy February day? Love is about blooming, about fragrance and warm, caressing wind, it is about spring and the coming to life of your soul, now reunited with its destined Half. And if love is not about spring, then it might be about the sweet, cherries smiling down on you from their green palace of branches, it's about heat and passion, about long nights and golden days, about the smell of salty sand and ocean...


But if none of these are at our disposal in such a beautiful month like February, maybe some substitutes provided by our mind could induce a bit the idea of love. Our mind can but imagine the sweet taste of candy love, a walk under the moonlit trees along the isolate lakes, or if preferences are rather oriented towards such exquisite things as Shakespeare's sonnets, or medieval, chivalry love, then the image of some strange love potion could take our thoughts far away...






















But if you are in love then you no longer need the strives of the mind to paint these things for you. They'll be there for you, no matter if it's just another month of February, no matter if those around you reject love as they would plague, and again no matter how much you might have suffered because of love...because somehow any deception you might have had in life is but another feather that would turn you into a Phoenix in the end.

la critique, c'est la solution

How can people feel better about themselves?
There are certain things one can do in order to grow in their own eyes. Of course as almost everything in life there is an easy way to do that as well as a more complex and hard manner to achieve a certain self-fulfillment. Most of us and most of the time will choose the easy way, our nature being rather inclined to that kind of acting.
Yet in our particular way, the situation is more complex than that. Why? Well, if you choose the easy way, then what you will get won't be the real thing, it will be just a fade copy, an appearance. Only choosing the hard way will ensure a real growth, making you a truly better person.
And yet, maybe not knowing this, or on the contrary refusing this truth most of us will always choose the light way. That's human nature, I guess.
Anyway, let's make it a more down to earth. If I choose the hard way to become a better person, then I will always try to become better than the previous day. Thus, this constant comparison with myself will drive me to do good, through an advice, a supporting word, or a comforting and encouraging gesture. You can't but help that you might have advanced two more cm into the path of good.
As for the easy way to do it, well one can always be better if those around them are bad or weak. So if you wanna feel good about yourself, you can always start criticizing everything and everyone around. Of course, while doing that your self-esteem quenches its thirst, your pride and ego will be more than satisfied- after all, you ARE a great person. And you see your criticizing as a sign and expression of your objectivity and courage to make a stand, while others' attitude is being passive and coward. Your head and look are straight, up while others go through life looking down.
And yet, or in spite of your objectivity and courage you go through life as a hunter sniffing for "leaks", weak spots- in people, the system, your country, hell, even in your blouse or the way bus tickets are made....
Even though people always criticizing, feel they have a life full of courage and attitude, a life in which they are not afraid to point to the existing problems, at one point in their voyage, they cross the line. They will end up doing this not because they really care and want to improve things, but because while criticizing they feel they are superior, above the "common masses."
And lately the world is getting full of the latter. As i said in a previous post everybody nowadays has an opinion, not a praising one, most of the time. So you see the optimism in me, when I say that this world is definitely getting more and more "good" people....

Avatar

Last Saturday, for the first time in months I managed to get to the cinema to see the over-acclaimed Avatar... And though I usually choose not to go with the herd, this time I went against my principles and I practically let myself be dragged into the cinema.
Well I've got 2 words for that night: no regrets! Avatar is definitely one of the best movies so far. The plot itself is quite interesting especially as it puts forth certain issues we should all think about- racism, the fight for freedom and rights, as well as the people's predatory characteristics, or to better put it, -locusts- how I "like" to call ourselves. It s amazing to see how after so many years of treading upon the Earth, humans still feel like it is their birth right to use everything they come across, to use, take and destroy. So here we are some time in the future on another planet-Pandora- diminishing their resources just like we did with our planet, killing everyone while "purchasing" those goods.... Why? You know that part of another film I used to like- Matilda- where her father says something like: "I'm big, you're small, I'm smart, you're stupid!"....well we have something similar here. We have the locals who are definitely some "savages", primitives and ignorant of everything that's important (especially the value of money), and then on the other side we have the saviors- the Americans- who are cultured people, appreciating art, technology, science and all modern commodities. You can see who was the big/ small, smart/ stupid. Of course the film attacks all this racial and predatory behavior, praising the rather simple, close to nature people. I can definitely see why this film might have "offended " certain circles- political, economical- advocating progress and evolution at any costs.

Yet, probably an even better part of the film is sustained by the imagery used- the stuff involved in making the film went miles beyond anything done before in terms of special effects, imagination and visual beauty. I am talking here about the kind of beauty that lifts your spirit, makes you closer to perfection. It's not the beauty you live now and then pass by, but the one that leaves traces into memory...The memory of some future events we might never get the chance to live...

Just burning midnight oil

Elbert Green Hubbard once said that the recipe for perpetual ignorance is to be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge. Without any particular reason these words somehow sunk into my mind- it is simple and yet so right in so many ways.

We so many times fall into this trap, especially nowadays when everybody has an opinion about everything. We are bombed every day by the others' ideas, we in our turn voice our thoughts about things around, about the people we know, or not, about the universe, about that tone, or that look...And the trap is, while doing that we always forget to lend our ears to the others. We no longer read either, as that would definitely be just a waste of time. Why read? I know things... Well we definitely know more that before, but maybe we owe this to just having better antennae than people used to before. Why do I say that? well, simply because now we just pick things from around. We don't even realize they are not our own thoughts. We just find them there- in our heads- one day and of course in our pride we voice them loud. People have to hear them, after all they are genial ideas-they are ours, right?
You are going to say where is the problem? we still lend our ears and open our minds to the multitude of ideas out there, that must be a good thing, right? Not as long as we keep thinking those ideas were ours first. The trap is we just might end up being too content about "our knowledge" (which was never ours, in fact), or satisfied with our opinions (again not ours)...So the danger is we start living a lie, we are not only less smart and intelligent at the end of the day, but we are much prouder about ourselves, thus in fact diminishing our chances for true advancement and enlightment.
So my advise for you would be- go out there, take a book, dust it a bit and then plunge into its pages. You might be surprised. Then go hunting for ideas, but do it consciously and don't take credit for what's not yours. And you'll see how better man you will become by the end of that day!

"The God Game"

I might have been called many names so far, but never a child believing in Santa... That sounds strange but I think it is actually a nice name, even though it was definitely meant in a derogatory tone. So what can I tell the person calling me that, but THANKS, man! I prefer being considered a child (What is wrong about being a child in mind and heart?). As for the part with me- the child- believing in Santa....what is so wrong about believing in something good, in hope, in being given something good in return for my good done to someone else...
Of course all this was but a metaphor for those- "silly and naive"- who believe in God!!!! After all just a fairytale character meant to lead the weak and stupid into a certain direction.... As for religion, well that's another fairytale, not only there to lead most of the Earth's people into the direction wanted-just like one would lead thoughtless sheep- but also responsible for genocide... You can imagine my surprise to read these words...I mean, through time there have been so many things said upon the subject that I don't see how anyone could say anything without the risk of repeating themselves; these paths are so often trodden upon that I am still surprise to see people getting heated upon the topic. I am still trying to see the originality of their words, that would somehow justify their effort..but like that, just supporting an idea with some clumsy arguments, an idea that not only is not true, but also offensive in so many ways to so many people.... that is indeed strange...
The way I see it anyone is entitled to their opinion- whether is believing in God, or choosing science and material- but I guess either way, it shouldn't be a matter of pride, wearing this (dis)belief like a badge of courage or something...Faith, or non faith should be a personal matter, not something you cry out to the world while beating your chest... It is not just a game where the opponents keep saying: mine is better!!!!
God is there!!! And if you wanna call me a naive and stupid child for that, go ahead. I prefer being that, rather than an "all- knowing and understanding Adult"....

Realities of the same soul

It is more than clear this freezing we are experiencing can be very depressing for many, not only depressing but also an obstacle people have to try and avoid or overpass every time they leave the house. Work has ended up seeming even less pleasant than the usual daily chores, as for walking in the park or on your favourite paths, well those seem dreams put aside in a special box to be opened later in the year.
The only thing pushing people ahead are visual thoughts of warmth and fireplace, a cup of burning hot tea, the hug of the loved one, and why not even an oozing melting chocolate cake. And maybe to get into the atmosphere one sees in the American movies, people might see in their mind's eye candles as well and to complete the image some minds would go as far as to see flowers.
Indeed it is the peak of winter, and yet, thanks to the commercialized world we live in, we don't see it but when we "crawl" or "slide " outside... in the comfy atmosphere of our homes, we live in an oasis of virtual summer if we want to. We have beach movies with tropical islands and dreams, we have beautiful curvacious women wearing swimming suits, or even ice-cream, if we feel like it. And everything gets to us through the magic of the screens, and of the cards...we have finally conquered winter and cold, even though we keep complaining about them. I guess that is how we are moulded - to complain even though or especially when our life goes for the better.
Anyway, talking about being bombed by images meant to mould our mentalities, visions and aspirations here are some glimpses of those visual thoughts...

Merry Christmas

Craciun Fericit! Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noel!

a fost odata ca niciodata...

Nu stiu daca e din cauza ca este la moda sau doar pentru ca de ceva vreme gandul la revolutie nu imi da pace, insa iata-ma si pe mine cernind aici cateva randuri despre acel an. Si ca premiera si posibil unica data, iata ca aceste randuri sunt in romaneste. Cam ciudat sa scrii in engleza despre o amarata de revolutie din decembrie '89 din Romania.

In primul rand revolutia a fost un soc pentru oamenii pe vremea aceea. Oamenii erau in acea stare de resemnare in care parca toate lucrurile erau asa cum erau si nimic nu se putea face sa le schimbi. Desi nimanui nu i placea starea de lucruri existenta, oamenii nu stiau ce e speranta, si isi traiau zilele una dupa alta in aceeasi fel- unii lingusindu-si superiorii, altii ascultand clandestin Europa Libera printre bruiajele interminabile, sau glumind pe seama unui american, unui rus si unui roman. Aceleasi personaje ale unui numar interminabil de bancuri, in care in mod uimitor, romanul era intotdeauna castigator prin inventivitate, umor, spirit practic. Si in aceasta stare de lucruri revolutia nu a fost ceva ce putea fi prevazut....
Stiu ca ascultam anumite posturi din strainatate care zilnic aduceau in casele oamenilor vesti despre Timisoara si ce se intampla acolo cu zile inainte sa cuprinda intreaga tara. Si cam atat, insa nimeni nu vorbea despre asta sau s-ar fi gandit ca acele evenimente aveau sa duca la revolutie.
Si mai stiu ca in acea zi de decembrie, cand Ceausescu a fugit, printre ecuatii si cozonac, am pornit radioul- si am auzit... La inceput am crezut ca sigur nu are ce sa fie decat teatru radiofonic, ceea ce se spunea era prea nemaiauzit, si vocile erau prea panicate, aproape dramatice, avand acea exagerare specifica actorilor de teatru...
Si apoi timpul a stat in loc- oamenii de la tara s-au adunat care pe unde au putut- la putinii vecini ce aveau cate un tv, porcii au ramas taiati in mijlocul curtii (sper ca unii au scapat cu viata), cozonacii nepusi in cuptor. Si bineinteles romanu ce se afla departe de pericolul orasului si al gloantelor, s-a pornit pe sarbatorit- s-a adus vinul si rachiul si cozonacii copti nu au mai asteptat Craciunul.
Apoi au urmat zile pline de contradictii: tragea armata, ba nu, minciuna! Nu era armata; se tragea in orasul cutare, si apele fusesera otravite, si alte si alte zvonuri menite sa ajute gogoasa sa creasca. Si a crescut timp de 20 de ani....
Cm atat s-a impregnat in mintea unui copil de 14 ani- un fragment de teatru radiofonic, Ceausescu venit din strainatate tinand un discurs tremurat si huiduit, si multe multe desene animate- uimire, incantare de copil la urmarirea desenelor animate timp de ore intregi, pentru prima data in viata lui. Acum dupa ani, a mai ramas gustul amar al gogoasei, si intrebarea: cat va mai dura pana sa faca poc...din nou?

Even though winter is here and Christmas and the New Year are on their way, their spirit seems gone, or maybe not yet come. It might be the missing snow, or it might as well be the missing of dear persons. Definitely a year marked by the loss of two dear people to me- a loss that not even the lights and carols that come along with winter holidays can make up for. I know the only thing keeping me going on is, ironically the realization that there is always room for worse. So, in spite of the loss and mourning, going on and appreciating what I've got seems the only logical thing to do.

Yet, hoping that this "holidays" will bring more hope and news of life and goodness, and light into the heart, I welcome them as before- with carols, fragrance of snow in the air and the hope for a better year to come.

modern means of transport

What's safer these days? is it a four legged transportation, a winged one, a wheeled one? Favourites anyone.....?

life angles

Different life perspectives.... when talking about life one should not only think about what's in store for us, what awaits on the path of our life, but also, and this is quite important, the person's perception of their life. In other words, no matter what kind of life we might be given that life in the end gets the meaning and the appearance we give it.

Some of us might be tempted to paint life as a painter's palette- full of colors, tints and shades- thus holding the promise of a beautiful painting in the end. Full of optimism, this category of people will live life as a beautiful and lively painting, and even though problems might be on the way, they will survive and even become stronger.

Yet there is the other category where life is almost seen like through a broken glass/ window. Thus the beauty of life is not shown to them- it is there in front of their eyes, but they will always fails to see it, as their eyes are covered with the broken shattered glass.

Which perspective would you choose?

no farewells

i really wish i could freeze time or if not i wish this all would have been a nightmare- long, painful almost incredibly unbearable, but a nightmare...still, my leaden heart tells me otherwise... a dearest friend has gone to different realms- I'm sure better ones.I try really hard to be happy for him- he had a beautiful life,and now an even more beautiful one, yet i'm sad for me and for all those who loved and cared about him, and i'm quite angry about my memory, which i know will betray me in time, leaving me with but faible puzzles of him.
yet, in spite of maybe forgetting some peices of the puzzle, the most important ones- your essence- who you are for those around you- will remain there forever, you will keep being my best friend- laughing, supportive, confident and full of dreams, open, kind and loving.You'll always be lively, yet not alive.
May God and angels open the gates of heaven for you, Coco!

c'etait une fois

ode aux cieux

autumn colours

tales from the golden age

I read the other day an interview with Cristian Mungiu. He was talking about his latest film entitled " Tales from the Golden Age"- a very well selected collection of so called urban legends... It brings back a whole bunch of memories...
going to school/ work on Saturdays, the power being cut off leaving us with, well...telling tales in the dark...Then there was the illegal and always "dangerous" listening on certain radios (Free Europe, VOA, BBC) followed the next day by my reporting everything to a friend of mine on the way to and from school. Then there were the days the grocer's next to the school got such delicacies as oranges, certain chocolate, cherries or even meat or certain salami. Those were the days! We were let or even sent sometimes by teachers to queue and get our little present for the day...of course this was not a daily habit, and in spite of what a normal person might think nowadays about a queue as being sth annoying and tiresome, well in time people would learn to live with queues. They became part of their life, it was the daily and ever-present activity of the long summer afternoons. And what stories and jokes people would tell then. I miss the humour people had those days- it was their only lifeboat- ...

And then there were the cartoons - "Mihaela" and the news on the "telejurnal"- snapshots of the president and his genius wife visiting places, campaigns for saving electricity, and some feeble glimpses into the world abroad. There was ABBA and Albano and Romina Power, and Jeniffer Rush, and there was Casablanca and Rebecca.

And since Cristian mentioned certain urban legends...well I couldn't overlook some of my own, right? The planes, sometimes crossing our bluest sky, were the Americans coming to rescue us... people were always watched and there was someone there that knew last night you ate pork and listened to forbidden radios... A real Big Brother watching us with his scrutinizing eyes.

I guess those days are long gone, yet leaving behind deep traces into people's lives, into their mentalities. We still have our urban legends, I'd dare say less charmant and less rich in meaning than those before... And with risk of being contradicted (that is in case someone would lay their eyes upon these lines), I would go as far and say that before the inner life was deeper- people used to live more profoundly and more complex, and maybe more silently. Now it's all becoming too surface like, glowy but shallow...it's like living in a plastic world, with almost no direction, purpose, with no emotional urge... we just exist....... Please contradict me :)

second tome- summer wine

summer wine

Time never seems to fly faster than when we want it to stop...it is like it obstinates to do its will, against ours. And the faster it flies, the drunker we get- with feelings, sensations, all senses being entwined in our mind's realm of souvenirs... And yet, or exactly because of this drunkness at the end of summer the sweet-sour taste of wine is all there is, plus probably a scrapbook of visual captures of past moments....