Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
A very awkward feeling has overcome me lately, a mixture of weakness and blindness, that is becoming stronger and stronger, rendering me weaker and weaker. It's the feeling of helplessness in grasping the people around me. It is so frustrating as the more I have tried the more I have failed in really understanding and sympathizing with them.
It's like a sea of blur and fog has turned into an ocean, driving everybody away, further in the distance. And here I am after years, drifting near an isolated island of solitude, full of wonders and questions, and doubts and the echos of all these as only answers to my whispers. I sometimes try to get a glimpse of the others, to see how they lead their lives and how they connect their little islands into a commercial and social network, based on common shared interests, as well as the use of convenient lies and mockery. After all, they all have something to sell- their image, their individuality, their soul... And what I perceive as being but signs of meanness and arrogance, is in fact, the glue that bonds them together. And I wonder why couldn't I fit in? Why wasn't I able to find the same glue and use it as carelessly and instinctively as they do? They survive and end up feeling good about themselves, at least they look like it, and they don't look back, after all who would like to still have any attachments to an island that is already doomed to drowning? They just keep getting away as fast as they can, no look behind, as if fearing a single look even could somehow make them lose their course and direction...